Is this a good `first page; Alagaesia is pronounce ala- gizsha?

Congratulations! That is the most thoroughly nonsensical, cliche ridden, poorly spelt and grammatically incorrect load of rubbish I have ever had the pleasure to read. I'm sure it took a lot of work but it's neither literary nor intelligible. I can see glimmers of ideas but I think you could probably cut all of it down to one paragraph which would involve the reader.